"Protecting Marriage"

Hopefully this post is at least somewhat thought out and not at all a jumbled mass of fury and musings.

A friend of mine posted a link on Facebook today; after glancing over it, I gathered that it was a petition to amend the North Carolinian constitution whereas the definition of marriage is concerned. Apparently, a same-sex couple filed a lawsuit in December challenging NC marriage laws. And, if you're as passionate about saving marriage as VoteForMarriageNC.com, this type of senseless rebellion is not to be borne!

Let me pause for a moment and clarify my feelings. I adore this friend; they are an amazing person of God. Moreover, I acknowledge that the Bible (a book I consider to be handed down to man from God and transcribed by man for all of humanity) condemns homosexual practices as "an abomination"; I cannot argue this point. And it is here that we can pick back up on my impassioned ranting.

Engaging in homosexual behavior may be classified as a sin, it's true, but I think that some people tend to exaggerate it a little needlessly- almost like the dangers of marijuana. Now, I've never smoked a thing in my life, nor have I ever partaken in any illicit drug use. But I can hardly reconcile the notion that the government believes marijuana (a Schedule I drug) is more dangerous than, say: cocaine, opium, morphine, and/or (meth)amphetamines- all of which are Schedule II drugs. Just for fun, Rophenal (more commonly known as "roofies" or "the date rape drug" is a Schedule IV drug. Yes, that's right: the probability of getting raped and suffering short-term memory loss (not to mention the emotional side-effects of becoming a victim of rape) is considered much less dangerous than a wicked case of the munchies.
The point is, people tend to exaggerate the consequences of homosexuality the same way the perceived dangers of marijuana have been blown out of proportions. Homosexual practices are considered sinful. So what? So is lying, stealing, faithlessness, selfishness, and gluttony (just to provide a small list)!

Are people who identify as gay or lesbian (or even as bisexual) the only people capable of posing a "threat to marriage", as VoteForMarriageNC.com would have us believe? I vehemently object!! The right for same-sex couples to enter into marriage has little to no bearing on heterosexual marriages- whether devoutly religious or contentedly atheistic!

There are much bigger bogeymen in the world of matrimony than homosexuality. Selfishness being the most insidious, I should think, because it feels natural; that familiar practice of putting one's self first will destroy you, your spouse, and the covenant the two of you made with each other (and in front of God, if you two decided on a religious ceremony). It leads to isolation, bitterness, loneliness, anger, and resentment. Left that way, it's not difficult to imagine either spouse straying into an emotional or physical affair that most likely leads a couple to divorce. Divorce: another thing God hates.

And don't even get me started on pornography.

For a list of seven things the Lord detests, please reference Proverbs 6:16-19. How many of us have not been guilty of any of those things? Notice lying is in there twice; who of us haven't ever lied? How many of us have hardened our hearts with a pride that separates us from the humility needed to approach God and ask for forgiveness? And if we are incapable of confessing our sins to God and asking Him to forgive us, how can we ever hope to extend that humility to our spouse? How will we teach it to our children if we cannot lead by example? Aren't these things much more important to a marriage between a man and a woman than whether or not same-sex couples are legally allowed to marry?

'But what about the children? Some schools are already required to teach homosexuality as an acceptable alternative lifestyle!' Then I suggest you do something very radical: parent your own children instead of letting a public school system do a shoddy job in your stead. You may or may not have the option of homeschooling your child, you may or may not have the finances to put your child in a private school where the curriculum is more suited to your specifications, or- and God forbid it should come to this- when your child comes home, asking questions about that gay marriage thing they talked about in class today, engage them in a discussion about what your family or religion believes about marriage. Let them ask questions! Read relevant passages in the Bible together! Show them what God created marriage to be by living it out in your home! Husbands, honor your wives, and wives, honor your husbands- in front of your children!!

When straight people stop bastardizing the sanctity of marriage, then maybe I won't be quite so outraged by the rainbow-flag burners who claim to "protect marriage".

Here Lies 2011, May She Rest in Peace

There are two paths to choose from on December 31st. Some people like to reflect on the past year: what they've learned, how they grew, good memories, regrets, etc. Others prefer to look forward to the new year, tell themselves how much better it's going to be than the previous year and resolve to do and/or change some things.

I'm going to do both.

But I'm primarily a Reflector. And I realized something these past couple days: though my day-by-day experience made it seem like life was passing me by sometimes, I experienced enough some days to change a lot- or, at the very least, what I feel is a lot.

All of it has its roots in my dad's death. To be concise, it devastated me; it was probably the closest I've ever come to depression in my life. I started dating Husband a few months later and discovered about 5 weeks into our relationship that I was going to marry him; he (briefly) broke off our engagement around a year later. My grades went straight down the toilet and stayed there right through my last semester at UCF until we were married.

I was officially a flunkie and college drop out. I had no idea what kind of career path I wanted to take. My only job experience had been working at a daycare center for a little more than minimum wage for around 5 years. I was apparently unlovable by my ex?fiance/husband, I ended a friendship I had for years, and the only kindred soul I've ever known had passed away, leaving me feeling more alone in life than ever.

I thought marriage would change that; I thought I could never feel lonely again because I had found The One. Even if nobody else was around, there would be an understanding partner next to me in bed at night, someone I could share with.

I quickly learned that a spouse is not enough to abate loneliness. (Let me briefly disclaim that by saying that, while he's made mistakes and hurt me- and I, him- my husband is better than amazing.) Husband simply wasn't designed to meet all of my companionship needs. I could never be content to stay home, alone, all day- cleaning, doing chores, or enjoying leisure time- to have only Husband to communicate with at the end of the day. Women need other women friendships.

So I nervously set out to make some friends. It's proven challenging since none of Husband's co-workers/friends seem to care much for me ("Is it all the Jesus?" I've wondered from time to time) unless I'm drunk (a one time affair that left me feeling even worse because I knew I would never be the type to compromise what I believe in order to make fake friends). When Husband and I walk up to them, he is addressed; I am not. When we leave, he is always spoken to; I rarely am. If I want any sort of attention from them, I have to fight to join the conversation. After a ribbing joke I made one night was met with silence, I sobbed the entire drive home about how nobody liked me and I'd never have any friends.

And, honestly, church has been no easier. I joined the choir, but clear lines seem to have been established already (excepting in one or two kind ladies), and most of them are fairly older than I am. The ones who are not, are younger- not by much, but by enough. And it's a large church- easy to be ignored if one keeps their head down.

And I do. I keep my head down because the past few years have told me that I am unlikeable, that I am too serious or too shy. That I am abrasive in some way. That people naturally do not like me. (This, sadly, runs too deep in my heart, as a night of card games and lemonade vodka convinced me that nobody in North Carolina liked me and nobody in Florida did, either.)

So I looked at my life resume, and I wondered where it all went wrong. People used to shout my name when I entered a room; I was always greeted. Now hardly anyone notices me. I was smart and talented, and I had achieved some pretty great things in community college; my most recent grades would tell a different story. I was always so confident; this year, I doubted my self-worth more than I ever had.

But somewhere along the line, I began spending more time talking to God. I've never been very consistent or dedicated to my prayer life, but this year He's been my constant companion when there has been no one else. Now I know I am precious and likeable and worth something because my Creator has told me so. Even when I cried, in lemonade vodka soaked despair, that nobody liked me, I could still remember that God always likes me. He's been my Comforter this year, more than ever. And deeper intimacy with God is something I can take away from 2011 that makes all my tears worth it.

I do still want and need! to make friends, so I have signed up to participate in a lifegroup with our church this year, and I am determined to give life (by giving Christ!) this year by volunteering more, hopefully with a lifegroup. Because I know that if I do things I'm passionate about, I'll make the kind of friends I'm looking for. :)

Happy New Year, everyone! Enjoy 2012 as much as I'm determined to!

Xoxo.

The ever awkward and daunting first post

Warning: I don't have any kind of layout plan for this post. I think my intention was to ramble off random facts about myself in order to better acquaint my readers (however few I have- and regardless of whether or not they care) with myself.

But there are a lot of unasked questions when you start a blog. At least, if you began a blog impulsively- as I have done- you probably didn't ask yourself some deep questions, such as: "what in the world am I going to write about?" "What unique thoughts do I have to offer the blogosphere?" The answer here is probably "none". "What if I'm not interesting?" or "How honest and raw will I decide to be? How polished and guarded?" Luckily, I think I may have some answers to the questions I didn't think to ask myself until after I created this blog. For instance, "stuff," "whether they are unique or not they're still mine" and "oh well." But the last question, I confess, has me stumped.